23 KEYS: Relating-201 [S01:M03:T02]

Welcome! I’m, Doctor David J. Hastings PhD, Dean of Habitology University and host for this ninth 23 Secret Keys to WayBetter Your L.I.F.E. Doctor David TALK’s WayBetternar.

Titled ‘23 KEYS: Relating-201’, this WayBetternar explains both the vast differences between conversation and communication modes and how misunderstanding which mode is being used can seriously damage one’s relationships.

Additionally, other fresh revelations continue disclosure of unique and immediately useable #Relationship #Keys that are focused on soaring individual and interpersonal living-conditions to awesome.

The previous WayBetternar, ‘23 KEYS: #Relating-101’ presented a unique ‘#Relationship Desiderata’. Underlined was that its value-points are not must DO’s but instead are proposed as discussion-points to be mutually evaluated regarding their applicability to your particular partnership situation.

Thus, whether either getting to know someone or evolving intimacy, optimum outcome flourishes in a Bombardment-Sphere that enables the joyful sharing of ideas, #opinions, objectives, #hopes and #dreams, etc. where those involved feel understood and appreciated for their #contributions.

As partner discussions will be used to evaluate the #Relationship Desiderata value-points presented in the previous #WayBetternar, important is that #relationship partners grasp the substantial differences between #conversation and #communication modes.

Generally, whereas the accepted protocols for #conversation are open-ended or variably interactive - with few requirements; #communication protocols are not.

#Conversation types are many, from #habitual salutations to partner hellos and goodbyes, to larger group chatter, gossip or banter in hallways, at parties, during coffee breaks, etc.

Characteristically, #conversation mode does not have designated Senders (the one talking) or Receivers (the one[s] listening), but instead these roles organically and interactively rotate throughout each member of the group as all are connecting, participating and having fun.

In #conversation mode, as no-one is intent on making a Value-Point, one is free to pop-in and out, introduce other topics, drop-in short unrelated comments, interrupt, over-talk and such. Typically, as long as verbalizations do not totally disrupt, one is not rejected.

#Conversational mode is distinguishable by several dynamics: rapid changeovers of Sender and Receiver; multiple topics (oftentimes simultaneously); and variable timeframes.

Contrastingly, #communication mode is instead characterized by a single Sender who desires to convey Value-Points to multiple Receivers in a fixed timeframe.

#Conversation mode is thus a mass participation model likened to a sing-along where one is free to participate whether they know the words or not. Consequently, as long as all involved agree by default to conversation flow, few issues arise such as frustration or hurt feelings due to being ignored or disregarded.

Very differently, #communications have only a single #Sender who is intent on delivering one or more Value-Points to a #Receiver or Receivers. For instance, lectures, Keynote speeches and the like fall into this category, as do a partner’s want-and-need declarations.

Thus, due to their extreme protocol variances, if one partner desires to #communicate and the other thinks it a conversation, there will be a collision that will no doubt result in enormous upset.

When verbal interaction protocols are mutually understood and practiced however, ones #relationships will be dramatically enhanced because #joyful and #inclusive #participation will spirit mutual respect, and a sense of importance and significance each to the other.

#Key: Everyone likes to be #appreciated and acknowledged for the gifts

they bring to the #relationship: Everyone!

In #Habisitology lingo, #WayBetternars are designed to assist creating beneficial #communication Pro-Habits while dismantling destructive miscommunication chaos-habits.

#Communication is easily possible by applying the following

three #Keys and one technique:

First seek to understand: then be understood;

Next be aware that hearing is not the same as #listening; and finally

Realize that listening is a gift of loving.

The following technique will ensure #Communication does not easily flip into chaos. Mutually select a small object to be used as a #Communication token. The token is held by the Sender when Communicating (remember short one minute presentations) then passed to the Receiver who then of course becomes the Sender. The Receivers only task is to listen.

Important is the notable distinction between #hearing and #listening. #Hearing

is a sensory-array capability; whereas #listening is an acquired Pro-#Habit skill.

Beneficial #Communication Pro-#Habits include: Engaged listening; inclusionary Communication; suitable proximity and body-language; appropriate eye-contact; attentiveness; recognition; validation; clarification questioning; respectful Sender presentation sizing (1 minute or less); contributing applicable feedback and clarification; etc.

Destructive #Communication chaos-#habits include: #Interrupting or attempting to; talk-over; me-too statements; exclusionary behavior’s; posturing diversions; topic-shift; fidgeting; disinterest; walking away; looking away; negative body-language; assumptive-thinking; concurrently engaging in another activity like answering the phone; etc.

Key: #Interrupting is a chaos-#habit that quickly wounds #relationships.

Respectful-listening is not just about receiving the Senders noise

but necessitates Focused-listening, which is coined FOCL.

FOCL is essential for the couple group and each participant to get What-They-TRULY-Want.

Focused-listening allows the Sender to fully disclose their value-point before the Receiver initiates any type of micro-Solutioning. Micro-Solutioning is defined as mentally starting a response before the Sender has finished speaking.

#FOCL (Focused-listening) i.e., without mental and/or physical #interruption is a powerful relationship builder because its application enables the Receiver to fully capture the Senders proposition, which in turn causes the Sender to feel valuable.

Cognitive or mental #interruption occurs when, during Sender delivery, the Receiver is actively micro-assessing what is being said, which consequently interrupts listening, which thus results in the Receiver missing the value-point of the #Communication.

The Interruption chaos-habit is earmarked by Receiver statements like: “I don’t think I heard you quite right” or “Could you say that again”.

In other words, when the Receiver micro-analyzes snippets of the Senders progressive #Communication, segments of the Senders #Communication will be un-processed. This is because, as #FOCL engages most of Mind-Self’s neural-resources, simultaneous Focused-listening and micro-analyzing are mutually exclusive.

Importantly, as part-listening can only result in part-understanding, this is not useful for enhancing #relationships. Relationship enhancement is best served by Focused-Listening.

Clearly, either physical interruption or speaking during the Senders Communication is #rude, diminishing, #devaluing and thus unacceptable. As such, these chaos-habits effectively not only disrupt the Senders train-of-thought but also diminish love and belonging, initiate #frustrations, and can cause #breakups.

Receiver #FOCL Pro-Habits include: respectful attention; acceptance to allow the Sender full topic presentation; absence of assumptive-thinking, micro-assessments and micro-conclusions; and (when the Sender has concluded) applicable questioning to enhance understanding.

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The next WayBetternar will continue #Conversation and #Communication mode discussions as well as explain the following: What is Attraction; How does one ‘choose’ their partner; Lobster Fork Relationship Model; Couples Relationship Decagon; and much more!

Your feedback is always appreciated! So, interact and contribute by sending an email to DoctorDavidTALKS.WBYL@gmail.com with the reference-ID ONLY please in the Subject Line.

The reference-ID for the ninth Doctor David TALK’s WayBetternar just watched is S01:M03:T02.

Until the next WayBetternar, stay safe! Thank You for your time: much appreciated!

[The above a tailored transcript of ‘23 KEYS: Relating-201’ (#23KeysRelating201): reference-ID ‘S01:M03:T02’. Hosted by Doctor David J. Hastings PhD (#DavidJHastings #DoctorDavid), it is the ninth Doctor David TALK’s (#DoctorDavidTALKs) #WayBetternar in a video seminar series available free on the YouTube channel called ‘23 Keys to WayBetter Your L.I.F.E.’ (#23KeysToWayBetterYourLIFE).]